From the Archives: Enduring the Holidays

The following piece was a social media post I made in 2018 when I was struggling with the holiday season. While I am doing much better three years later, I know many others are not, and I believe its message is worth sharing again. I still see and hear all of you struggling in the same way.

I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along these past seven years, “the holidays” became something I have to brace myself to endure, instead of something to look forward to. I’ve pretty much lost any connection to my extended family, either through death or disagreements or realizing some of them never really wanted me around. I see most folks greatly enjoying themselves, full of cheer and happiness, and I am unable to even begin feeling the same way.

Depression is real, and the worst part about it during the holidays is that many folks will outright ridicule and bully folks struggling with it, calling them a scrooge or a grinch, berating depressed folks for ruining everyone else’s holiday because we can’t fake how we feel. It’s probably the most obvious sign of how commercialized the holiday has become, and also probably the reason so many people are driven to the darkest parts of their despair during the holidays.

Sit down. Be quiet. Don’t ruin the fun. Why don’t you smile? Aren’t you grateful for what you have? Aren’t you too privileged to be depressed? Do you think you deserve special treatment? Can’t you just forget about the bad stuff for a while? Can’t you appreciate everything we’ve done to make this holiday special?

I have heard these things the past seven years: either from other people or as part of my own internal monologue or frequently, both. I also see folks spouting off on Facebook passive-aggressively about folks like me, and when you’re depressed, you just assume it’s about you.

I don’t have any answers, or I would provide them. I don’t expect any comments, nor am I reaching out for help. If anything, this post is for the rest of the depressives out there to know that I understand, and that I’m feeling it this year, and that I will endure it as you will. I also hope more people will speak up about it to help counteract the social pressure to ignore our feelings and issues for the sake of others.

I hear you when no one else might. And because of that, we’ll get through another year. And maybe because of this post, folks might understand the rest of us a little better. And maybe even try and help instead of hurt.